


#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

by neversaydie



Series: "Disney did what?!" - a real Avengers, fake MCU series [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Coming Out, Deaf Clint Barton, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M, Real Avengers Fake MCU Universe, There are movies about them, Twitter, parody (kind of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6965485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You will not believe what's trending."</p><p>"Is it nudes?" Bucky tries to remember the last time he lost his phone in a crowded place. It wasn't that long ago, he loses them a lot because his memory can be pretty patchy about trivial things. "Fuck, is it my nudes?"</p><p>"Just look."</p><p>[real Avengers fake MCU universe, Steve is very amused]</p>
            </blockquote>





	#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, guys.

"You will not _believe_ what's trending."

Bucky just grunts in the face of Natasha's obvious glee, because it's too fucking early to be dealing with the internet. Last week he got into a fight on Instagram over Donald Trump, he's made it a resolution not to wade into the Twitter quagmire until at least after noon-thirty. Half the team are dotted around the kitchen and he grunts again in their general directions, haphazardly scraping his hair back into something resembling a ponytail as he makes a beeline for the coffee machine.

"Barnes. _Barnes_." Someone throws half a bagel at his back, leaving a buttery smear on his shoulder and getting his attention. Sort of. Getting his attention enough to bend down and pick up the bagel to shove half of it in his mouth, at least. Apparently there's a five second rule these days.

"Dude, you need to see this." Clint whips something at his head this time, Bucky doesn't figure out what he is because he catches and crushes it too fast, but he finally deigns to turn his head and look at his teammates.

"I'm looking." He deadpans, groggily, and rolls his eyes when Natasha just waves her Starkpad at him insistently. "Can it wait three minutes?"

"No. It can't." Barton insists, jabbing two splinted fingers at whatever the hell is so fucking _urgent_ on her screen. " _Look_."

"Is it nudes?" Bucky tries to remember the last time he lost his phone in a crowded place. It wasn't that long ago, he loses them a lot because his memory can be pretty patchy about trivial things. Plus the fact they're always unlocked, because PINs are again, trivial things, and he's had a _lot_ of embarrassing leaks hushed up since the movies started. "Fuck, is it _my_ nudes?"

"Not again." Steve mutters, sweaty and flushed from his morning workout as he clatters in to mix a protein shake. "I thought you were gonna stop taking those."

"Why the fuck would I deprive the world of—"

"It's about the _movies_ , idiots. Will you just fucking look?" Natasha looks like she's about to bodily drag Bucky over if he doesn't see the _life-alteringly important_ thing on Twitter this _second_ , so he slopes over reluctantly to take a look.

The fact there's an entire movie franchise based on their fictionalised adventures is kind of… weird. Especially because they get exactly no vetoes over their portrayal outside of legitimate slander. That means the Avengers Cinematic Universe can make Tony a narcissist (not totally far from the truth), have Natasha hooking up with Bruce (that was awkward for a _while_ after the movie came out), and make Clint magically able to hear somehow (and be married? That was a supremely odd one). It was around before Bucky fully got his head back in the world, but he's very much enjoyed his delicately handsome portrayal so far, although he objects to some of the weird shit they've done to Steve's personality (he's twenty-eight, not ninety, and he doesn't dress like an old man).

At least they can't do anything ridiculous like make Steve a Nazi or whatever. _That_ would be way too far over the line.

It takes a second for Bucky to figure out what the hell he's looking at, because Clint's big fat thumb is covering half the list of trending topics, but then he sees it. Bucky blinks once, twice, and then bursts out laughing like he's about to bust a gut, grabbing the backs of their chairs for support as he practically doubles over.

"What is it?" Steve looks interested now, asking through a mouthful of peanut butter in his general, disgusting manner. "They didn't kill you off, did they?"

"They're gonna after this!" Bucky can't stop laughing, leaning close enough to Clint's ear that his teammate winces and turns something on his hearing aid down as low as possible. "Oh my God, this is awesome."

"What?" Steve abandons his shake preparation (which means he must be very interested, the last thing that willingly tore him away from food was literal alien invasion) and comes around the island to crane over Bucky's shoulder, wiping banana-ry hands all over his already grease-stained shirt.

Natasha points it out smugly, one long purple nail directing him straight to the source of all the hilarity.

_#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend_

"That's great! They've set it up enough in the movies already, so... Why's that so funny?!" He shoves Bucky in the shoulder because he's _still_ laughing his ass off for some reason.

"Because… 'cause…" He needs a second to catch his breath, wiping honest to god tears of mirth from his eyes. "'Cause people actually thought… They actually thought any version of _you_ was straight!"

He breaks down into laughter again, and Steve shoves him all the way so he overbalances onto the floor. His cheeks heat up as Bucky curls into a ball to save his cramping abs because come on, he's not _out_ or anything. He's not exactly _in_ either, just nobody ever asked.

"Hey shut up." Steve pokes him in the ribs with the toe of his sneaker, probably a little harder than strictly necessary. "I could be straight... I guess."

"You've sucked more dick than I've had hot dinners." Bucky giggles into the kitchen tile, rolling on his back to make what he clearly thinks are exaggerated swooning expressions, hand pressed over his heart dramatically as he does a frankly offensive imitation of his boyfriend. "'Ooh Bucky, I looove you!', 'Ooh Bucky, you're my soulmate, I get jealous when you get within two feet of a lady', 'Ooh Bucky, fuck me harder—'"

"Shut _up_." Steve's flush spreads all the way down under the collar of his t-shirt, and he grabs his phone from the counter to snap a picture of Bucky flailing around on the floor like a _child_. "I'm telling the internet you bully me."

"Go ahead sweetheart, they'll still ship it." Bucky's giggles finally subside, and he lies flat on his back to catch his breath for a minute as Steve composes what's no doubt a very sombre and reflective tweet about representation. He's sensible like that, at least in the movies.

What Steve actually ends up tweeting is a picture of Bucky sprawling about on the floor like an idiot, with the caption: _#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend? awesome. already got one thanx._

Not exactly how he planned on coming out to the world, but it was already trending so he might as well.


End file.
